At first I thought it was an involuntary muscle spasm. You know, like someone hitting my knee just so. You can’t help but flinch. My right bicep would spasm at the weirdest times. At work, watching videos, messing around with my girlfriend. That was a really weird night I’ll tell you. It was always in the back of my mind as something to get checked out but whenever I’d make a doctor’s appointment it would seem to subside and I’d miss the appointment. That was till the news broadcast.
Janet and I had just pulled a pizza out of the oven and were chatting about what to movie to stream. She likes the Puppies & Rainbows franchise. They’re too bloody and gruesome for me. I’m more the romantic comedy type – especially when one of the main character is malformed or missing a limb, but I get it, not everyone’s cup of tea. Anyway, this news broadcast was talking about alien microbes and the water supply when my bicep just about torques itself into a knot and heads for the door. Tossed a slice of pepperoni high enough to leave a stain on the ceiling. That’s when Janet insisted I get it checked out.
The doctor came in, took all my vitals. Checked my ears for wax – always my favorite part of an exam. He asked for a urine sample which I was glad to give him and the nurse drew blood. Ten minutes later, the doc, nurse and two orderlies came in with some disturbing news. My bicep muscle spasms were caused by an infection, not just any run of the mill terrestrial infection but that dang alien infection. Just like the one the news was warning everyone about. Somehow, somewhere I had alien microbes in me and they were causing the muscle spasms. They were going to get ‘em out. Right then and there. I liked the sound of that, no more microbes no more spasms.
The nurse explained that this was minor surgery and should only take a few minutes. She was swabbing my now exposed arm with alcohol, a big area about the size of two playing cards. It was a shame she said, had I come to them earlier, they could have transfused my blood and filtered out the microbes, but now they had collected in my muscle tissue and had to be removed surgically.
They started an IV and whatever was in it made me feel less nervous. I was almost giddy. I hear you can get that way with some anesthetics, so I asked what they gave me. You know, just in case I ever wanted to feel giddy again. I missed the name the first time, so I asked her to repeat it. It sounded foreign, like a Russian word with trills and guttural sounds to boot. Then it hit me. It was a foreign word, only not from this planet. The orderlies cinched the restraints tight. The doctor leaned over, smiled and whispered ‘Your health is our priority,’ he said. Only he wasn’t talking to me.